Top Zombie Jokes That’ll Bring the Dead to Laughter(2025)

If you’ve got a pulse or even if you don’t these zombie jokes are here to bring some undead fun to your day! When you’re a lifelong zombie fan, just looking to chuckle, or searching for some side-splitting humor to survive the next Halloween party, this post is your comedy graveyard of clever puns, razor-sharp one-liners, and groan-worthy short jokes.

From zombie jokes for kids to cheekier bites for you and your partner, we’ve packed in enough top-tier gags to make your funny bone twitch. And trust me these aren’t just recycled bones from the internet.

Every funny story is written to feel real, with that goofy grin of a friend who just can’t help but make you laugh until you’re a zombie. Let’s dig in, shall we?

One Liner Zombie Jokes

That zombie tried therapy but kept chewing on the couch.
I asked a zombie about his past, and he muttered something about deep-rooted issues.
My crush called me drop-dead gorgeous, then I realized he was a zombie.
Never play hide and shriek with a zombie unless you enjoy jump scares.
The graveyard shuffle isn’t a dance. It’s how zombies look for snacks.
I gave my zombie friend a phone, but he prefers to groan in person.
A zombie walked into a bar. He ordered brain chips with extra salsa.
The zombie tried stand-up comedy. He forgot every punchline but still got laughs.
I saw a zombie practicing his dance moves. He mostly staggered in circles.
Never trust a quiet zombie. That’s when the nightmare starts.
My ex turned into a zombie. It actually improved his personality.
That zombie fell in love. It was a real-life horror-romance.
I gave a zombie a gift card. He ate it.
My zombie neighbor keeps yelling “Brains” like it’s his morning alarm.
She said she dated a zombie once. Said he was emotionally stiff.
The zombie didn’t lie. He just… moaned around the truth.
I complimented a zombie’s outfit. He offered me his jacket. Still attached to his arm.
He calls his dance moves “the graveyard shuffle” and nobody corrects him.
That zombie joined TikTok. He only posts slow motion bites.
We tried a double date. My zombie friend brought his lunch.
I texted the zombie a joke. He bit his phone.
He asked me to meet his parents. They were also zombies and really into DIY grave decor.
A zombie joined our karaoke night. He only groaned in C minor.
That zombie was once a dentist. Now he just collects teeth.
I left the zombie on read. He sent a brain emoji as a threat.

Zombie Puns

That zombie needs therapy, but he keeps eating the counselor.
I told my garden it had deep-rooted issues. The zombie nodded.
Every zombie break-up ends in a missing arm.
He’s not shy—he’s just emotionally decomposed.
That zombie’s idea of romance? Sharing brain chips under candlelight.
She tried to dance with a zombie… then tripped over his foot.
I offered my zombie friend a hand—he took it literally.
Zombies never get caught lying. They just groan awkwardly.
My zombie friend has a gym playlist called “Graveyard Shuffle.”
The zombie said I looked drop-dead gorgeous—I took it as a compliment.
His pickup lines have no punchline, just biting commentary.

Short Jokes on Zombie

Why did the zombie skip school? He lost his head.
What’s a zombie’s favorite app? Groan-in.
Why don’t zombies play hide and seek? They always stagger too loud.
What do zombies call fast food? Joggers.
How do zombies start conversations? “Braaaaains?”
What’s a zombie’s guilty pleasure? Late-night brain chips.
Why did the zombie go to therapy? Too many skeletons in his closet.
What’s a zombie’s favorite subject? Dead-unction.
Why did the zombie break up? Too many deep-rooted issues.
Why did the DJ invite a zombie? He brought the graveyard shuffle.
What do you call a stylish zombie? Drop-dead gorgeous.

Top Jokes About Zombie

What did the zombie say after a big meal? “I’m dead full.”
Why don’t zombies lie? They’re too tired to remember the truth.
What’s a zombie’s favorite workout? The graveyard shuffle.
I dated a zombie once. He ghosted me, literally.
Why do zombies hate rain? Their brains get soggy.
What’s a zombie’s worst nightmare? Fast runners.
The zombie couldn’t do stand-up; he kept losing his audience… limb by limb.
I asked a zombie for advice. He groaned and bit my pen.
Why did the zombie cry? He missed his own funeral.
What’s a zombie’s comfort food? Homemade brain chips.
My zombie friend loves horror movies. Says they’re super relatable.

Zombie Jokes for Adults

My ex was a zombie. No wonder he was so emotionally stiff.
I took a zombie on a date. He ordered brain chips and stared at my head.
That zombie bartender? Total flirt. Said I looked drop-dead gorgeous.
We argued, then he groaned, and now we’re in therapy… together.
The zombie slept on my couch. Woke up with my cat in his mouth.
Never trust a zombie who asks for a foot rub. You won’t get your foot back.
I love a man with brains—just not when he’s chewing on one.
Our relationship died… but he came back for seconds.
The zombie texted “U up?” at 3 a.m. Total red flag.
I dumped the zombie. He still shows up at brunch and groans in person.
That wasn’t a kiss. It was a nibble disguised as love.

Dad Zombie Jokes

I told my kid to eat their veggies. The zombie next door nodded.
What do you call a dad who loves brains? A zombie with good taste.
My dad asked me to mow the lawn. I said no. He groaned like a zombie.
I told a joke. My dad groaned louder than a graveyard shuffle.
Dad said, “Pull my finger.” It came off. Classic zombie move.
What’s a zombie’s favorite TV show? “Dad to the Bone.”
My dad gave the zombie a job. He just kept eating coworkers.
Why don’t zombies tell bedtime stories? They never have a warm ending.
Dad tried therapy. The zombie therapist just moaned in agreement.
What do you call a zombie who loves puns? A dad.
I asked for help with math. Dad called a zombie because he’s “great at number crunching.”

Kids Zombie Jokes

Why did the zombie bring a spoon to school? To scoop up spelling mistakes.
What’s a zombie’s favorite game? Hide and shriek.
Why don’t zombies eat candy? It gives them a brain freeze.
What did the zombie say to his dog? “Sit… or I’ll nibble.”
Where do zombies go on vacation? The Dead Sea.
How do zombies brush their teeth? Very carefully.
What do zombie kids call recess? Snack time.
Why was the zombie late for school? He took the wrong grave.
What’s a zombie’s favorite lunch? Peanut butter and brain chips.
Why did the zombie sit at the back of class? He didn’t want to bite anyone by accident.
What’s a zombie’s favorite song? “If You’re Hungry and You Know It, Eat a Brain.”

Dirty Zombie Jokes

I told the zombie I was taken. He still tried to nibble.
That wasn’t love. It was just digestion.
He said, “Let’s cuddle.” I woke up missing an ear.
Why don’t zombies use pick-up lines? They just stare until someone runs.
Our first kiss turned into a bite. Still better than my last Tinder date.
The zombie offered flowers… and a chunk of his last meal.
I said I like smart guys. He brought me a brain.
What’s worse than morning breath? A zombie who skipped dinner.
She winked at me. I blinked. She bit my eyebrow.
That zombie flirted so hard, I lost a finger.
I tried to break up with him. Now he just groans outside my window every night.

Halloween Zombie Jokes

I wore a zombie costume to the party. One guy tried to recruit me.
Halloween is the only night I can groan in person and get candy for it.
The zombie carved a pumpkin, then ate the seeds like brain chips.
I went as a drop-dead gorgeous zombie. My makeup was mostly ketchup.
What’s a zombie’s favorite Halloween song? “Thriller,” obviously.
I brought a zombie to trick-or-treat. He ate the doormat.
The scariest costume this year? A tax form. Even the zombie ran.
My candy disappeared. Blame the zombie with crumbs on his face.
The costume contest banned zombies; they always “bite” the competition.
That zombie handed out raisins. Now he’s the real nightmare.
Why do zombies love Halloween? Free brains… I mean treats.

Digital Zombie Jokes

That zombie got kicked off Zoom for too much groaning.
I sent a zombie a meme. He bit his screen.
What’s a zombie’s favorite app? TikGroan.
He updated his status to “Hungry again.”
My zombie friend joined online therapy. Now he moans in the group chat.
They don’t ghost you anymore—they zombie you.
I gave a zombie a selfie stick. He used it to eat across the room.
He texted “Brains?” at 2 a.m. Modern dating is wild.
Zombies don’t lie. They just change their profile picture.
That zombie plays Minecraft but only builds graveyards.
The undead went viral. Literally. Don’t click the link.

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Knock Knock Zombie Jokes

Knock knock
Who’s there? Zombie
Zombie who?
Zombie here to borrow a leg… or two.
Knock knock
Who’s there? Therapy
Therapy who?
Therapy didn’t help… I still crave brains.
Knock knock
Who’s there? Brains
Brains who?
Brains over beauty, especially if you’re undead.
Knock knock
Who’s there? Groan
Groan who?
Groan in person, texting is too modern.
Knock knock
Who’s there? Dance
Dance who?
Dance zombie moves always end in a stagger.
Knock knock
Who’s there? Stagger
Stagger who?
Stagger you later… if my legs hold up.
Knock knock
Who’s there? Decay
Decay who?
Decay is cold… let me in for brains!
Knock knock
Who’s there? Nightmare
Nightmare who?
Nightmare starts when the zombies stop knocking.
Knock knock
Who’s there? Grave
Grave who?
Graveyard shuffle is calling. Join the party?
Knock knock
Who’s there? Skull
Skull who?
Skull me maybe, but I’m your biggest fan.
Knock knock
Who’s there? Corpse
Corpse who?
Corpse I’m crashing this party… slowly.

Dark Zombie Jokes

I dated a zombie and now my heart’s not the only thing missing.
He said he had deep-rooted issues—turns out they were literally bones.
That zombie didn’t ghost me. He full-on haunted me.
His favorite bedtime story? “The Nightmare Before Snacks.”
I saw a zombie cry. The tears were blood.
Some people carry emotional baggage. Zombies carry skulls.
I gave him my heart. He licked it.
That zombie whispered sweet nothings. I should’ve run when I saw his fork.
His idea of romance? Matching graves.
We went to therapy—he just chewed the couch.
I thought I had trust issues. He ate my therapist.

Clean Zombie Jokes

Why did the zombie get a job? To make a living, obviously!
I asked a zombie if he wanted lunch. He said, “Only if it’s a head of schedule.”
Zombies don’t do yoga—they prefer dead poses.
I walked past a zombie comedy club. The punchlines were to die for.
My zombie neighbor doesn’t mow the lawn. He likes it graveyard-style.
A zombie tried to flirt with me. I told him, “Sorry, I’m not into dead ends.”
Heard about the new zombie diet? It’s strictly brain-based.
That zombie dropped out of school—he just didn’t have the guts.
Never trust a zombie cook. Their secret ingredient is always a finger or two.

Zombie Apocalypse Jokes One Liners

I prepped for the zombie apocalypse—turns out, I just needed snacks.
The only cardio I do is running from zombies in my dreams.
My zombie escape plan? Pretend to be already dead inside.
When the apocalypse came, my phone still had 3% battery. Close call.
If a zombie eats my brain, it’ll just ask for a refund.
I told my cat about the zombie outbreak. She said, “Finally, some peace and quiet.”
Not all heroes wear capes. Some carry zombie repellant.
My survival skills? I can microwave a burrito without it exploding.
I joined a zombie support group. Step one: Stop eating friends.

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Romantic Zombie Jokes for Couples

You had me at Uhhhhrg—classic zombie love language.
Our love is like a zombie bite—slow, infectious, and forever.
You make my dead heart beat slightly again.
When you say “Eat your heart out,” I know it’s a compliment.
Zombie couples don’t ghost—they haunt together.
I don’t need flowers. Just whisper, “Brains,” and I’ll swoon.
Love in the apocalypse means sharing the last brain.
You’re the only one I’d hold hands with—even if they fall off.
You’re my ride-or-die—even when I’m already undead.

Funny Zombie Jokes Stories

The Zombie Fashion Show Disaster

A zombie’s arm fell off mid-catwalk and another model used it as a clutch purse. The crowd gave a standing ovation for “best use of accessories.”

The Zombie Life Coach Meltdown

He tried to motivate the crowd but just kept groaning “Brains!” at every question. Still, one attendee said it was the most honest advice they’d ever gotten.

The Zombie Barista

He spilled brains instead of cream into every coffee. But customers said it gave their latte “a bold body.”

The Zombie Job Interview

He staggered in, dropped his resume, and bit the desk. They still hired him—said he had bite and showed initiative.

The Zombie Dance-Off

He moonwalked, then his leg flew into the judge’s lap. They gave him a 10 for style and surprise.

The Zombie Librarian

He tried to shelve a book but chewed the corner instead. Patrons loved the “pre-chewed classics” section.

The Zombie Chef

He mistook cauliflower for a brain and cooked it rare. A vegan diner said it was the best thing they never wanted to know about.

The Zombie Fitness Coach

He led stretches, then lost his balance and rolled across the room. Everyone laughed—and said it was the best ab workout they’d had all year.

The Zombie Karaoke Night

He sang “Thriller,” forgot the words, and just groaned in rhythm. The crowd went wild and called it performance art.

The Zombie Uber Driver

He took a wrong turn and ended up in a cemetery. The rider still tipped—said it was the “most immersive horror experience ever.”

The Zombie Matchmaker

He paired two people based on brain size compatibility. They’ve been undead together ever since.

The Zombie Yard Sale

He tried selling an old foot as a shoehorn. A tourist bought it and now swears it’s her lucky charm.

Conclusion

After digging through all these zombie jokes, I hope you’re walking away with some serious undead fun and more than one solid chuckle. When it was the short jokes, the groaning puns, or the graveyard giggles, my goal was to serve up some truly side-splitting humor you won’t forget.

If your ribs hurt (and not from a zombie nibble), then I’ve done my job right! From Halloween parties to couch laughs with your partner, these jokes are perfect for any creepy occasion. I truly enjoyed creating this for you. I hope you feel happy to read this post and come back for more laughs soon!

Ash